UPDATE! Dear Killer Mike, Can I Get a Late Pass? (aka I Friggin’ LOVE R.A.P. Music)

Dear Killer Mike,

Can you write me a late pass? You see, I have been aware of your existence via Dungeon Family tracks for quite some time now, but it wasn’t until my neighbor specifically suggested that I listen to R.A.P. Music a few weeks ago, that I became a hardcore fan. Like, seriously. In these past few weeks, I’ve become a stan.

So much of a stan, that I want you to make a video for “Southern Fried” just so I can say the line “So mothafucka, he still fly.” I need to say that line on camera in a video. I friggin’ love that track and that line.

What I really adore about you and that album though is that you are country as fuck in an unapologetic way and smart and fly and fun. I love the way you talk about your wife in “Southern Fried” and I give so many salutes for you quoting JJ Fad AND being on some grammar shit in the same verse on “Go.”

And the title track??? Maaaaaan, listen. That’s on a few of my iPod playlists. My favorite track changes from day to day, but “Reagan” is always in first or second. Gotta love the smart shit.

In your Pitchfork interview last year, you brought up one of my favorite Nikki Giovanni poems, “Seduction.” I swear if I were a male rapper from the South, I’d be you. Intellectually, we are kindred spirits.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I dig your stuff and I’ll be wading through all your other albums to get a nice bird’s eye view of your maturation as an artist and as a person. For now, I need a late pass for R.A.P. Music. Is that possible?

Smooches!

Love,

Demetria Irwin

P.S.- I’m @Love_Is_Dope on Twitter and Instagram.

UPDATE: I tweeted Killer Mike the link to this blog post and here is his awesome response:

I am genuinely moved by your words.No such thing as late. It was the universe in its timing.I So appreciate you @love_is_dope.Thank u.

— Killer Mike (@KillerMikeGTO) March 18, 2013

 

Miu Miu, Divorce and Beautiful Friends

 

Miu Miu teamed up with award-winning Middle of Nowhere director Ava DuVernay for the fifth installment of their Women’s Tales series. It’s called “The Door” and it is beautiful. The short (less than 10 minutes) has no dialogue and centers on Gabrielle Union’s character who is a recent and very sad divorcée. I can of course relate to this seeing as how I’m going through my own divorce. (You can read about that over at XOJane.)

So, this particular short is very timely for me, but even if I were happily married or whatever, this would have still struck a cord with me. It really is beautifully done. It’s elegant, thoughtful. DuVernay includes some of my favorite actors. Adepero Oduye (who was nothing less than brilliant in Pariah), Emayatzy Corinealdi (star of DuVernay’s engaging Middle of Nowhere) and “Closer” singer Goapele all pop in as friends of Union, trying various means to get her to get out and enjoy life instead of spending all of her time in her OUTRAGEOUSLY gorgeous home. Did you see that white on white bedroom?? My word. Alfre Woodward makes an appearance as Union’s mother. Mamas always have gardens to tend to, don’t they?

But let’s not forget that this is a Miu Miu campaign and so of course the clothes are a prominent part of the direction, but not overpowering. DuVernay does a great job of incorporating the clothes without compromising the artistic integrity of the short itself. The clothes are fly and I love the end. Love it.

Union finally takes off her wedding ring and is able to put on these elbow-length gloves. She would not have been able to wear those gloves with her ring on and the gloves kind of complete the whole ensemble. She puts on the gloves, grabs her coat, puts on her sunglasses and presumably, heads out of “The Door.” Taking off the ring givers her the clearance, so to speak, of finally heading out into the world.

I can’t talk about “The Door” without talking about the music. The music producer Morgan Rhodes was right on the money. The music was as follows:

“Turn Your Lights On” by Emantive ft. Ahu

“Chameleon” by Dezaray Dawn

“Who Flew” and “Beyond” by P. Furey

“For Love” by Goapele

“Because” by Ra-Re Valverde

Besides being visually stunning and having an awesome soundtrack, “The Door” speaks to a core truth. Whatever we go through as individuals (and we are all guilty of sometimes being all caught up in or own feelings and not being able to see the forest for the trees), it is often our loved ones who bring us back to love, bring us back to reality.

As someone who is going through what this short depicts, I can say with certainty that my friends and family have been indispensable during this time. There are moments when I need to be reminded of who I am, which is a happy, in love with love, passionate, affectionate person.  Can’t let an unexpected turn take me off my square, son. Too cool for that. Too smart for that. Too present for that.

But back to the short, my favorite shot is towards the beginning when Gabrielle Union is on the couch and a solitary tear drips from her eye. (Side Note: Everybody’s face is BEAT in this! You hear me? Beat. Yes.) It’s a beautiful, quiet moment and it feels real.

I love it.

 

Love, Serendipity and Urban Spaces

Remember how I posted about micro-moments in love and how (according to science) it’s possible to fall in love with a stranger? Well, Disney has an adorable Oscar-nominated short called Paperman that illustrates this point.

The six-minute piece revolves around a hapless, kinda schlumpy and definitely awkward young man and his brief encounter with a beautiful young woman on a train platform one weekday morning in the city. A piece of paper marked with her red lipstick entrances him all day, so when he happens to see the nameless woman he desires in an office building across from his, he attempts to get her attention by flying an astounding amount of paper airplanes to her.

Of course this doesn’t quite work out as planned and the rest of the short is full of that Disney magic we’ve all come to know and love. The above clip is just a smidgen of the short. The whole short had been up, but it’s nowhere to be found now. Guess you’ll have to wait until March 5th to check it out if you had not already when it comes out as part of the Wreck It Ralph Blu-Ray combo set.

Anywho, I think Paperman is brilliant and a lovely ode to those unexpected heart palpations that sometimes accompany that first glimpse of an intriguing stranger. Atlantic Cities writer Sara Johnson takes a more sour view of the short.

She writes:

It’s a sweet story. But despite the happy ending, it leaves with the sense that without a deus ex machina intervention, missed connections in cities will remain as such. It’s a bit of tragedy in the love story.

There are lots of “missed connections” in densely populated areas such as Chicago and my beloved New York City, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Actually, I love that. It’s exciting to think that at any given moment you might run into someone and get that spark. I don’t think every “moment” has to end with a happily ever after. The spark itself is pretty awesome. Keeps life interesting.

I don’t know about you, but I adore my micro-moments in love.

 

Micro-Moments in Love aka How to Fall in Love with a Stranger

There is this amazing article on TheAtlantic.com called “There’s No Such Thing as Everlasting Love (According to Science.)” That sounds like quite the buzzkill for my love to love behind, but it’s actually quite the opposite.

The piece has several quotes from psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, whose new book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become, posits a beautiful new theory about how love works. Fredrickson, a positive emotions researcher, says that love is not some big iron thing that bonds people together for a 75 year marriage. She says that love actually happens in micro-moments.

That means that you have these moments of synchronized emotions with people–be it a child, a parent, a spouse, a good friend or even a stranger. Yes, Fredrick says it’s possible to temporarily fall in love with a stranger in one of those micro-moments. I love it!

My career requires frequent social outings and sometimes I do connect very strongly with strangers that I meet. To think that it could be “love” is quite interesting.

The science behind this theory is even more intriguing and beautiful. Love, like other emotions has physiological components. So in these micro-moments your body links with that person. The vagus nerve, which connects your brain to your heart does all types of awesome things.

In her book, Fredrickson says:

Your vagus nerve stimulates tiny facial muscles that better enable you to make eye contact and synchronize your facial expressions with another person. It even adjusts the minuscule muscles of your middle ear so you can better track her voice against any background noise.

It’s such a special thing. I smiled the whole time I read that. The fact that your body adjusts to hear that person  better and that your face wants to do what that person’s face does…it’s just beautiful.

Gosh, I love love.

There’s also some interesting data in there about meditation and Buddhism and how being a loving person makes you a physically healthier person. There’s no downside to being a loving, happy, open person. Think about it.

I strongly encourage you to read the piece.  

On that note, there was one part in the article that got me thinking. What or who in your life right now brings you the greatest source of happiness?

 

The End of Courtship? Ummm, No

So, there was this New York Times article called “The End of Courtship” and I hated it.

The entire article essentially says due to today’s texting/Facebooking culture, 20 and 30 something year old single women need to get friggin’ used to the fact that dudes will not give two f*cks about them and they need to just adjust their expectations when it comes to showing interest and being there and what not.

Nah, son.

I rebuke (Yes, rebuke!) all of that!. Every ounce of it. Listen ladies, you will get what you tolerate. Point blank. I don’t care if you’re 25 or 35. That’s real talk. The thing is though, at 35 you are MUCH more confident in telling a dude “No” who clearly shows the signs of being not worth a quarter. At 25, you might give said 10 cents dude a chance because he’s cute/generously endowed/funny/sexy/whatever. For real grown women do not have time to waste on pretty clowns.

I am a firm believer that we all have several “ones.” There are numerous people we could rock with on that forever type vibe, but it is dependent upon timing, circumstance and all that good stuff.

Don’t let these people lead you astray. Be the best you, have fun, get out there (risk of getting hurt is necessary) and again…have fun. Very rarely do old people talk about regrets of things they’ve done. They regret things they haven’t done.

I pledge to leave no regrets.

 

Love is Dope Because…

A painted rock in my home.

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine asked me a question. He said “Why is love dope?” It’s a great question in general and an especially good question for me right now given the left turn my life has taken. Starting anew.

Love IS dope. It is. Why? Because love makes you over analyze a five-word text. Love is dope because the butterflies in your stomach and your quickened heart rate could care less about what your mind says is too soon or right or wrong. Love is dope because few things are more heart-warming than a genuine smile. Love is dope because this is the stuff of life.

Love is dope because love is you.

 

 

5 Things I’ve Learned After 5 Years of Marriage

Each wedding anniversary is associated with a particular type of gift/material such as gold, leather, silver, etc. For the fifth wedding anniversary, it is wood and it is a very fitting material for this small milestone.

We build houses, furniture and even make jewelry out of wood. When properly carved, adorned and maintained or left to grow in its natural state, it is the epitome of strength and beauty.  When neglected, it gets dry, dusty, maybe even cracked and broken. Too much whittling will literally make it disappear and too much water can actually drown a tree’s roots.

As my husband and I acknowledge our fifth wedding anniversary today, I’m thinking about the symbolism in this material. I’m also thinking about the tattoo on the small of my back. (Yes, I have a “tramp stamp,” but shut up! It’s meaningful damn it.) It is an adinkra symbol from Ghana called the sankofa. It is about the importance of remembering and learning from the past. Our marriage is five years old (together for a total of seven years), so of course in that time we’ve created many memories and have grown and changed as individuals and as a couple. Forever is a lot longer than five years and there are many more memories to make, but here are five things I’ve learned or been reminded of as a marriage rookie:

 

Women Who Talk

Over Mother’s Day weekend, Jada Pinkett-Smith unveiled “Red Table Talks,” her filmed and candid conversations she had with her mother and her daughter. I. Loved. It. I loved it so much I actually tweeted Jada about it.  (And she retweeted me. Look ma, I’m famous.) Basically, I just loved the idea of a multi-generational conversation amongst women.

Far too often, petty grievances or even actual painful actions, form an invisible wedge between family members. People hold grudges for things that didn’t really happen, people feel guilty about something that the other person has completely forgotten, people “dislike” someone based solely on who their mother liked or disliked.

 

Trading in a Throne for a Wife

The Duke and Duchess

While perusing my usual internet haunts, I stumbled upon an article about some old school “photoshopping” on CNN. The article was about a 1930s painting that had been changed to show George VI as the new King of Britain as opposed to Edward VIII. Edward VIII abdicated the throne (left empty by his deceased father) in order to marry an American divorcee named Wallis Simpson. He basically had to choose between being the King or being a husband to the woman he loved and he chose her. A twice-divorced American woman was a bit too messy for the all the formal rigamarole that is British monarchy. His brother became King instead and the brother made Edward VIII the Duke of Windsor. (By the way, that brother was King George VI and the movie about his life, The King’s Speech, is an Oscar winning film.)

Doesn’t that sound so romantic? A man chooses a woman over untold acclaim and riches. * swoon * Sure he wasn’t exactly in the poor house (they globe-trotted for years), but still, that’s something to give up such a prestigious title for love. The Duke showered his bride with whatever she wanted. Jewels, clothes and mansions were all hers for the asking. They stayed married from 1937 until the Duke’s death in 1972. The Duchess (she acquired that title when he became Duke) died in 1986.

The Duchess

That’s the fairytale version. The gritty details that make the story not so cute include the rumors that the Duchess had several lovers  and said to still be in love with her ex-husband. Oh and that the fact that the pair seemed to be Nazi sympathizers. Awesome. Great folks.

Just goes to show that even in the seemingly most romantic fairytales, real life stuff pokes through. Still, it is nice to know that sometimes love trumps all of the glitzy stuff (even Nazi-loving type love).

Would you give up an empire and a throne for love?

 

Love Lessons for 2012

I’m not much of a resolutions kind of chick, but I do like January. There’s something refreshing about having a whole year’s worth of a clean slate. Lots of folks make commitments to themselves about health, money and the like, but it seems love was on the mind of many folks. The high profile divorces (Kobe Bryant, Deion Sanders, Katy Perry) and engagements (Michael Jordan, Matthew McConaughey, John Legend, Lebron James) in December of 2011 all point to a desire to start anew in 2012 on the love tip.

Got me to thinking about what love lessons (romantic and otherwise) I learned in 2011 from my own experiences and from what I’ve observed in others. I wrote a post about it. Like to read it, here it go * In Living Color voice *…