Writerly Romance: Loving = Reading

In the second episode of season two of Girls**, Lena Dunham’s character Hannah is making excuses for the fact that her current romantic interest has not read an essay she wrote that she sent directly to him days before in hopes of getting a response. Her girlfriend stops her and says “If he’s not reading your essays, he’s not reading you.”

Nail, meet head.

As a writer, I do not expect whoever I’m dating to read every single thing I’ve ever published, but if we are on the serious tip, he should have read at least some of my stuff. I would expect him to be inspired and intrigued enough to know what I do, how I write and what are the typical topics coming out of my pen. (If you’re feeling nostalgic, cue up the scene in Brown Sugar where Dre perfectly recites the opening line of his friend Sydney’s first published article. So cute! Warms up a writer’s heart.)

If you say you are really into me or that you love me, you have to read me at least sometimes. It’s a must. If I send something directly to you asking for your input (not just expecting you to read every link I post on Twitter to everyone), you better read it, buddy.

I don’t think it’s possible to love me and not read any of my stuff. Writing is such a huge part of my life. It’s not “just” a job or a career for me, it’s something I am compelled to do every single day. It’s my second love.(Reading would be the first.)

So yeah, loving = reading.

What say you, fellow writers? Have you ever had to deal with a significant other who refused to read your work?

**SIDE NOTE: There is a brilliant scene between Hannah and her love interest Sandy in this episode. They talk about race and relationships very candidly and the writing is right on the money. Check it out if you can. Also, Donald Glover is great in this role. 

 

100 Dates

I was watching an episode of Say Yes to the Dress the other day and it brought up an interesting idea. (If you’re not familiar with the show, it basically follows real life brides as they search for the perfect wedding gown at New York’s ultra chic bridal salon Kleinfeld.) A bride on the show had already tried on 100 different wedding gowns* before she even got to Kleinfeld. The fashion director noted that trying on 100 gowns was like dating 100 guys, at some point you don’t even remember each one and it’s just pointless.

That got me to thinking. How many guys have I dated in my life? Have I dated 100 guys? More?

Hmmmmm

Being a writer and all, I decided to put my count on paper.  Each guy, from the awkward boys I used to sneak around with before I was “officially” able to date at 16 to the self-assured grown men I encountered when I moved NYC, they were all reduced to mere slash marks on a page.  That loooong break from dating I took after a bad break up with a college boyfriend? Just a space between lines. My first real boyfriend who was a part of my romantic life on and off for years? Just one little line. No matter if the guy was an awkward one time date dud or a guy who became a big part of my romantic life, he got one solitary line. Mind you, I counted each different guy I dated, not each date.

Here’s my count:

 

Love Musings: Standards vs. Delusions

Ladies, meet Darren Sharper.

Nightline recently added their turd into the shitfest that is the “Single Black Women Will ALL Die Spinsters!” national conversation. It was actually better than I thought it would be, though admittedly my expectations were pretty low.

One thing that was brought up though was the idea of standards vs. delusions. One of the male panelists insisted that black women have unreasonable expectations (read delusions) about potential mates. The women on the panel felt that their standards were just that, standards and quite reasonable.

So what’s the difference?

 

Love Musings: Long Distance Love

Long distance relationships suck. That’s really the bottom line here. Whenever my friends talk about embarking on a long distance relationship, my automatic response is “Noooooooooooo!”

 

Love Musings: One is the Magic Number

So many times I define my pride
Through somebody else’s eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride,
I found the lasting love for me
If I’m searching for my spirituality
Passionately I must begin with me
~One is the Magic Number, Jill Scott~

I’m a very solitary person. Sometimes I go to concerts alone, I picked out my wedding gown by my lonesome and it’s not unusual for me to be holed up in my home office for hours at a time.  I like to hang out with me! Wasn’t always this way though.

From the time I got my first boyfriend in middle school (we held hands and talked on the phone) and through most of college, I was always “with” someone.  I wasn’t a serial monogamist (I didn’t throw the term boyfriend around lightly), but if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I was for sure seeing two or three* guys.   I wholeheartedly believe in frequent dating. It helps you  become more knowledgable about how human beings operate and it’s a great way to figure out your own likes, dislikes, boundaries and preferences.

I would not change a thing about how I handled myself at that time. I had oodles of fun and came away with experience and laughter. Can’t beat that. But I am also very glad that I went through a self-imposed man-less period for about a year.

 

Good Reads Around The Web

Has your definition of romance changed over the years? Can you still be wooed with a pink banana seat bike? Hmmm, I think if the bike had sparkly streamers on the handles, I just might be swayed even today. Join the conversation…
~Get ‘Em Girls~

This is an interesting piece in the The New York Times Magazine about Lee Daniels, the director of “Precious.” I had the pleasure of screening this movie last week and it is EXCELLENT. When it hits theaters on November 6, you should definitely go check it out. (SHAMELESS PLUG: You can read my review in the Oct 22-Oct 28 edition of the New York Amsterdam News.) Anywho, this NYT Magazine article is very detailed and provides an interesting peek into Daniels’ personality. The one thing that irked me about this piece is that they keep saying that Daniels had dreads. He had a big wild fro that he cut off recently, but I’ve never seen the dude in locs. Eh. Good piece anyway.
~The New York Times Magazine~

Here’s an interesting theory about the type of black music featured on NPR.  Basically the author says that NPR only chooses black artists who fit into DORF (dead, old, retro or foreign). Hmmm…
~Slate~ via ~Tayari’s Blog~

Morehouse College’s new dress code has caused quite a stir.  The all-male HBCU has now banned sagging pants and grills. Hats and do-rags (and any other non-religious headgear) is banned indoors and there is also a ban on wearing women’s clothing. Ummmm. Many of the rules are actually not so ridiculous (I loathe sagging pants) and it is a private institution, but a lot of people (including myself) think it’s ridiculous to have the rules at all and many people also take issue with the ban on feminine attire.  Why can’t a man who chooses to carry a purse be a Morehouse man? The author of this article has some thoughts on the matter.
~The Root~

 

A Real Life NYC Love Story!

Since I have been living in NYC (it’s been three years now), I have met some of the most jaded and bitter people I have ever met in my life. I don’t think it’s as much the city as it is that I’m at the age when people are “supposed” to be married, so people get all freaked out when they’re not married yet.

Anywho, there is this adorable story in the New York Post about a 22-year old guy who saw a girl on the subway that looked like the girl of his dreams. He let the chance to speak to her pass him by, but she weighed on his mind so heavily, that he created a website called http://nygirlofmydreams.com. The site contained a sketch of the girl, the location of their encounter (the 5 train) and his contact information. Within 48 hours, he found her! A friend of hers recognized the sketch and put the two in contact. They have since spoken and will soon be meeting for their first date.

Don’t you love that? I love that. It’s so sweet. It’s solid evidence that romance really does exist…even in New York.