I’ll just procrastinate until the day I bump into my soulmate
~Gym Class Heroes, Sloppy Love Jingle Pt. 1~
I don’t believe in “The One.” I refuse to believe that we are allotted exactly one person to truly bond with on this planet. My theory? There are several “ones” out there for each of us. There are several people who you could potentially spend a happily every after with, given the right circumstances and the right timing. My hubby is definitely one of my ones, but if one of us dies before the other (some folks die at the same time), I have no doubt that either of us could eventually move on and have a happy, productive life. I would not want to pass on to the other side and know that my husband is doomed to misery because his “One” kicked the bucket.
Some of my friends think my “several ones” theory is decidely unromantic, but I think it’s just the opposite. This is the theory (combined with a great sense of humor) that allowed me to have fun while navigating through the NYC dating scene. Like most women, I met some nice guys, I met some fun guys and I met a few truly awful guys. The one thing they all had in common, besides a Y-chromosome, was the fact that they were not for me. Some of the break ups were painful, but I got over it. I never thought that by not being with one of those guys, I was missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I knew that my next life lesson (aka date) would be just around the corner whenever I was ready. And he was, in the form of my husband.
Isn’t that romantic and rosey? I think so. It’s realistic too. There’s no point in shedding too many tears over a man who just doesn’t care about you or obssessively dialing and redialing some guy’s phone because he won’t answer and you know he’s ignoring your call and some other woman has probably become the new booty. Ha! You can totally relate to that. You should not have to expend energy to make your mate give a shit. Period. There are no tricks or tests that will put you on the road to happiness–or the road that is happiness since happiness is a journey not a destination, right?
And just like that crap people tell you about “The One,” you will know when you encounter one of your ones. It’s a deep, substantial, positive connection. It’s all intangible and specific to each situation, so there’s no checklist entitled “Recognizing One of Your Ones ” or anything like that, but if you unconsciously smile when you see that person’s name come up on your phone, if you can instantly rattle off 20 things that would make that person happy and you know he or she can say the same, those are good signs.
But more than anything else, finding one of your ones means finding and loving yourself first. That means taking caring of yourself financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally and every other “ly” word. A semi-depressed, out of shape, broke, empty-feeling person who hates her job doesn’t sound like somebody one of your ones would be checking for. It is impossible to nurture a healthy relationship with that seemingly elusive good man if you don’t have yourself together. Apply for that new job, start working on your credit score, face those relationship scars, hit the gym, take hold of your soul and watch how quickly your ones appear.
Everything happens exactly as it should, precisely when it’s supposed to happen.