Love Musings: The Myth of Married Woman (and Steve Harvey) Wisdom

20 Apr


Let me start off by saying that I love that Steve Harvey’s  Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man is flying off the shelves. It’s a positive book and I think the purpose of it is to encourage and inspire healthy relationships. That’s a very worthy and uplifting purpose. However, I am oh so tired of women starting off a sentence of foolishness with “Steve Harvey said…” Girl, stop! Every “rule” in that book is not going to perfectly translate to each woman’s life (especially that 90-day rule, puh-lease!) and some chicks are seriously using Steve Harvey’s words to justify their own long-held irrational expectations. It’s truly amazing how quickly Steve Harvey went from popular comedian to relationship guru in the eyes of legions of women and thanks to Oprah and Ellen, the women come in a number of different demographic categories. All of  a sudden, the Book of Steve has been added to the Gospel and single men better know it chapter and verse before stepping out with a woman who’s read it and swears by it.

The same goes for advice from married women. As a married woman, I can tell you that I was not endowed with any special knowledge of the male psyche once I said “I do.” But for some reason, some of my single friends (and even single strangers!) try to pry some secret wisdom out of my wedding band. Sorry folks, nothing there. As a writer, I am very observant and conscious of actions/reactions/body language and all of that and I do love to share my many stories and theories about love, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’m married. I can’t stand to be around women (single or married) who act as if wives are in some elite sorority that only the smartest, prettiest girls can get into.  If you’re over 30 and still trying to get in, you must not have what it takes, right? Ugh. And just like with Steve Harvey, it’s not uncommon for women to quote some rule their married/booed-up friend has laid down as the law. Trust me when I say that being married does not turn you into a relationship expert.

Shoooot, your girl might not even be an expert of making her own relationship a happy one and she’s trying to give you some half-assed advice that she never even followed herself. Oh and women make up relationship stories all the time. That story about how your homegirl made her husband-to-be wait four months before getting the goods? Negative. They got down on date number two. That story about  how he did a whole bended knee, candlelight and roses proposal at a nice restaurant? Nope.  She gave him an ultimatum while they were arguing in the living room and he broke down and said okay. You  just can’t rely on one person’s unique relationship experience as a blueprint for your own relationships.

All of that is just to say that neither Steve Harvey nor your married friend has the magic bullet that will deliver your Prince Charming to you. They might have some useful things to say, but you have your own path. Take what makes sense for you and keep it moving, lady.


Posted by on April 20, 2009 in Love, Reading


Tags: , ,

7 responses to “Love Musings: The Myth of Married Woman (and Steve Harvey) Wisdom

  1. offdwall

    April 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I am co-signing this entire entry! There is value in wisdom, but even it isn’t fail-proof.

  2. adorse1

    April 20, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    My thoughts exactly. Putting too much faith in others to show some magical “man secret” doesn’t usually work. I put up a similar post today

  3. loveisdope

    April 22, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Boooo to man secrets! lol Seriously though, I’m really tired of hearing these Steve Harveyisms.

  4. MsKnowitAll

    April 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm


    I’m a reader of your blog but this is the 1st time I am commenting.

    I like the post and can’t agree more.

    Hahaha! “The Book of Steve”… nice.

    I’m over 30 & unmarried… but I don’t look at my married sisters as if they are part of the prized sororities. I’ve heard too many horror stories.

    Advice is advice, you take it with a grain of salt and apply your own know how… simple as that.

  5. loveisdope

    April 22, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Hey! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Yep, advice is a suggestion not a mandate.

  6. dwyniceward

    June 24, 2009 at 4:39 am

    Why didn’t Steve write a book called, “Act Like A Man, Think Like Woman”?

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