Love Musings: Being a proud black woman in an interracial relationship

16 Oct


It is 2009, right? I had to double check because I read an article recently about an interracial couple being denied a marriage license and I began to wonder about time machines and such.

But on to the topic at hand… Not too long ago, a friend of a friend expressed her befuddlement that a black female acquaintance of hers could consider herself a “proud black woman” and date a white guy.  I’m a proud black woman and my husband is a nice Jewish boy, so I told her as much and added that those two facts about myself (being a proud black woman and having a non-black husband) really have nothing to do with eachother.  That was all I felt I needed to say at the time. I didn’t really know this friend of a friend and wasn’t terribly concerned about how much she understood about that bit of my life.

Things got a little more interesting after that though when my actual friend (our mutual friend) of 12 years  pretty much co-signed what the friend of a friend said. Woah. We talked about it briefly, but I was really just shocked (and hurt) that someone I thought knew me really well didn’t seem to know that part of me at all.

My husband and I occasionally get hassled about the whole interracial thing, but I never feel the need to defend my marriage. I know that some people get involved in interracial relationships (and every other kind of relationship) for some very fucked up reasons, but I do not count myself in that number. My marriage is a beautiful awesome thing and people can either see that and rock with it or not.

Since this is my blog though and it is about love, I thought I would just talk briefly about how one can be proud of one’s culture and choose a mate that is not of it. In short, loving and appreciating your own culture does not mean that you reject other cultures. Loving and appreciating someone of another culture does not mean that you love and/or appreciate your own culture any less.

I think that’s pretty simple. Do you?


Posted by on October 16, 2009 in Love


Tags: , , ,

9 responses to “Love Musings: Being a proud black woman in an interracial relationship

  1. GG

    October 17, 2009 at 1:36 am

    It should be simple but it’s such a touchy subject to most. Most people reject any idea or feeling that they don’t recognize in themselves and are programmed to believe that certain things are wrong or right, good or bad.

    We sell each other so short when we draw sweeping conclusions about each other. Seriously.

  2. loveisdope

    October 17, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Yes indeedy. Now that I am frequently on the receiving end of generalizations/assumptions, I have become very aware of assumptions I make about other people. The whole thing has really been an eye-opening experience on many levels.

  3. tab

    October 17, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    I wanted to post in support of your assertion that a husband’s skin color reveals nothing about the wife’s self-esteem or cultural pride. So, by extension, then, white men who are married to black women cannot be proud of their own culture and must be ashamed to be white…right? lol.

    Because I love myself and my culture, it never occurred to me to doubt or be suspicious of someone else who shared the same appreciation – regardless of skin color. You can absolutely love who you are, love the culture in which you were raised, and be a productive member of your community and to society at large – all while loving someone of a different skin color.

    …so I guess Quincy Jones is ashamed of AA culture since all he’s ever married and/or had children by is white women, right? Let’s just wipe out all of his contributions to music, particularly to the genres that are recognized world-wide as AA-created. What about Russell Simmons? And Halle Berry, I guess, was a proud AA woman when she had two AA husbands but now she hates herself because she has a white boyfriend (and *gasp* [i] bred [/i] with him!) … it doesn’t matter that she considers herself a black woman or that she thanked all the black actresses who came before her, making her historic win possible by paving the way, and also named her black contemporaries, or that she has starred in and/or produced movies for the large and small screens about a variety of black experiences (e.g., Queenie, the Dorothy Dandridge Story, etc.) …er, right? Or, in the alternative, take Clarence Thomas: his 1st wife was black…and can you think of a more outstanding, vigorous champion of civil rights? [/sarcasm]. In Zimbabwe and Nigeria, where purveyors of skin bleach do brisk business, how many of the purchasers are blacks married to other blacks?

    A spouse’s skin color is a faulty basis on which to determine how his partner sees/values herself.

    I think it’s great that you have taken others’ erroneous assumptions as an opportunity to increase your openness to others. ::thumbs up::

    Sorry I wrote a novel!

  4. loveisdope

    October 17, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Thanks Tab! I like novels so it’s okay that you wrote one in the comments section. 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your insight!

  5. E

    October 22, 2009 at 12:20 am

    i support this blog.

  6. Miss Journey

    October 22, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    I support interracial relationships. Funny story: last night a non-Black guy (not sure exactly what his ethnic background was) asked me what the best way to approach a Black girl was. I understand his thought that I would have some special insight, but when I really thought about it, approaching someone of the opposite sex is pretty universal. Yes, there may be some variations, but what woman doesn’t like flattery and a genuine personality and to laugh? Those things go across the board.

    Black, white, Asian, whatever….a friend of mine recently encouraged me to “taste the rainbow” in my dating adventures, and I’m so down! Meeting people with different backgrounds will certainly help broaden my perspective.

  7. sailboat

    December 19, 2010 at 9:42 am


  8. Inter Racial Dating

    February 23, 2011 at 2:10 am

    I would even go further to read a review on a inter racial dating site to make sure you aren’t getting ripped off.

  9. Norriscool

    February 19, 2013 at 11:08 pm

    There are 4.7 million more ww than wm, 16.8million ww single never married 80% of the ir couples are wm and asian women. I wonder why the media never tell ww to date bm like they bw to date wm. We bm dont get any help from media I wonder why? Where are the movies books promoting ww with bm? You wont see it because wm and bw would scream bloody murder thats why. So for now on when you see a bm doing his walk on by.


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