Love Musings: Feeling Some Type of Way

08 Dec

I wondered all this time ’bout how you been
And I hoped by chance I’d see you once again
I’d love to kiss your lips baby once again
I, long to hold you tight girl, one mo’gin
~One Mo’ Gin, D’Angelo~

I missed him. I missed him so much that my heart literally (LITERALLY!) ached at the thought of him. To make matters “worse” there was no earth-shattering break-up filled with expletives and insincere slights. We parted ways because I moved to another state and neither one of us was down with that awful, awful thing known as a long distance relationship. (Been there, done that. It sucked.) He was still a great guy, we both still respected eachother and we talked on a fairly regular basis.

Not once did we slip back into behaving like romantic partners, not even months later when I saw him back at home or when he saw me out here in New York.  After years of friendship and a year and half of something more, we had settled back into friendship.

Even though I missed him more than I thought humanly possible at the time, it actually didn’t take that long for me to completely and totally move on from feeling some type of way about him. It helped that I hit the ground running once I got to New York. I was going out three or four times a week and I was not afraid to hit up an event solo.  I was over the whole heartache thing in a matter of weeks.

I don’t know if my emotional valves are unusually efficient or if there’s some magic shortcut from the logic in my brain to the fluffy emotions in my heart, but I have never pined over a guy for too long.  Given a little thought, there always seemed to be a very valid reason as to why a relationship was just not right for me. Cest la vie!

Over the course of my dating life, I’ve had all the usual bad things happen to me. I’ve been cheated on, stood up and all those other hurtful memories that clutter a dating history. How did I deal? I cried, wrote poems, had entirely too long phone conversations and just generally got over it. (By the way, I have way more awesome dating stories than bad ones.)

Like everyone else, there are songs that remind me of certain satan-loving exes. Of course their misdeeds spring to my mind when I hear the first few chords of those songs, but I seriously, really, truly do not feel some type of way about them anymore.

I’m no longer actively angry. I can acknowledge past bad behavior without becoming upset today. Eh. All of that stuff was a lifetime ago. In fact, I’m friends or at least acquaintances with a number of my ex-boyfriends.

My matter-of-fact attitude in dealing with exes makes it all the more difficult to understand exes who clearly STILL feel some type of way about me. I haven’t dated someone other than my husband in almost five years, so any ex of mine that is still caught up is a sad man indeed.

I do not suffer fools. If I catch a whiff of disrespect about my husband or my marriage, I do not hesitate to cut someone off. Today, that includes  blocking on all the various social networks and I hate having to do something on my end to prevent someone else from making a fool of himself.

Dear readers, do you still feel some type of way about someone or something and how do you deal with pesky exes?


Posted by on December 8, 2009 in Love


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8 responses to “Love Musings: Feeling Some Type of Way

  1. The Jaded NYer

    December 8, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    There are songs/movies/places that still remind me of exes, but I’m soooo happy to report that it is no longer with an “I want that old thing back” mentality. I can actually say their names without being all nostalgic for what I never truly had. It’s a beautiful thing… makes me with other aspects of my life were that easy to get over!

    Great post!

    (And AWESOME movie, mannnn… I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve watched it…)

  2. Megan

    December 8, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Wonderful post Demetria and in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that!”

  3. Jay Watts Sr

    December 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    Great post and oh so true i find myself at times giving a passing thought to a past relationship and then as quick as it came it leaves even quicker due to the fact its just that the past i feel if it dose not work the 1st time does it really deserve a 2nd or a 3rd yes i have fell victim to that oh so viscous cycle of trying to turn dirt to diamonds but reality sets in at some point the truth fights its way to the surface and sheds light on the fact that its just not meant to be and time nor space nor change of state can make it happen an ex is just that an ex some can be friends most cant whatever the case just be grown up about it

  4. loveisdope

    December 10, 2009 at 9:40 am

    JadedNyer- It is VERY nice to be able to leave any strong feelings behind…where they should be! I think it helps that there’s no ex I think about and then start singing Vesta’s “Congratulations.” LOL Yes, I’ve watched Love Jones like 50-11 times.

    Megan- Thank you!

    Jay Watts Sr- Yeah, sometimes it can be tricky to figure out what exes can be friends and which ones can’t.

    Thanks for stopping by, everyone!

  5. naturallyalise1

    December 14, 2009 at 9:31 am

    I only pined away for one fool, my last ex (2 1/2 years ago) before my current long-term relationship. It shocked me because I am usually resilient after relationships, but I guess the circumstances for the break up is what tore me up, not so much about him being gone. I am glad I finally did get over him in the nick of time, because I may have missed out on the most healthy loving life-changing relationship I have ever had.

  6. MsKnowitAll

    December 14, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    I enjoyed this post… and I do think of an ex every so often… I’ll remember something, usually one thing, about them… lips, eyebrows, that great massage, our Sade song or the 1st movie we went to see. Gratefully I have and remember the beautiful memories we created.

    It’s wonderful when you can settle and become friends after a break-up. The important factor is that friendship was part of the relationship… and for some of us, most of my relationships, friendship wasn’t/isn’t an option.

  7. loveisdope

    December 15, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Thanks for stopping by ladies!

    Naturallyalise1- That would have sucked MAJORLY if you missed out on a good guy because you were pining over someone who wasn’t meant to share your happily ever after. Glad you broke through!

    MsKnowItAll- Why isn’t/wasn’t friendship an option for your and your exes?

  8. myfemalepersuasion

    October 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Great piece! I was just talking to a friend who said I can be unforgiving to men who commit a “wrong” against me. She believes every man should get a pass on at least ONE indiscretion. But even when things don’t end badly, I too, tend to hash out reasons why the breakup is best for me (after crying and having my pity party) and never look back – even when they still feel “some type of way.” Thanks for sharing.


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