Love Musings: Chemistry (The Good and the Bad)

19 Mar

Chemistry is a funny thing. It happens just as often platonically as it does romantically (perhaps more so platonically).  I’ve experienced plenty of platonic chemistry. As a writer/journalist/reporter I have interesting conversations with people all the time.  Sometimes I just really vibe with my interview subject and the interview becomes more of an organic conversation. It’s like talking to a girlfriend or a homie. I’ve definitely made real life friends through work situations. That goes for males and females. I make a point to go to networking events at least twice a month and sometimes I meet really cool down-to-earth women.  It’s very important to surround yourself with positive, ambitious people whether they are friends or associates. I have an AMAZING group of people around me.  Really amazing. They keep me motivated.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad experience with platonic chemistry, but romantic chemistry is another story.

Romantic chemistry always starts out like a fairytale. You meet a guy,  the conversation flows, your dates rock and the eventual sex is off the charts. The problem with vibing so tough with someone like that is that the (probable) end is likely to be as hard and fast as the initial connection.

When I first moved out East I was going out alot with girlfriends and guy friends and potential suitors and all that. The first guy that I really really really liked was this dude I met at an open mic when I was rolling dolo. He was one of the poets that night and he was dope. He was gorgeous, he made a point to introduce himself and offer me a drink and whatnot. Charming fellow. I was absolutely giddy when I got a phone call from him at work a couple days later.  We went out  to this little Cuban restaurant and the energy was palpable. I had just come from a trip to Ghana and he was planning  a trip to Ghana.  We were both English majors. We lived minutes from eachother. We knew all the words to the same somewhat obscure hip hop tracks. We had damn near identical views about local politicians. We finished eachother’s sentences on the first date. We just vibed.

Did I mention that he was gorgeous? We definitely clicked on a physical level and when we were just hanging out, we talked like old friends. It was great…until one day it wasn’t. I moved to a new apartment that was like 45 minutes to an hour from his place and he came to visit exactly one time before he just dropped the whole thing. I was upset about that for a little while and he did eventually start calling again (I was over it by then though), but I found a way to move on.  The lesson learned there was that chemistry is not everything.

I think chemistry is essential for any long-lasting relationship, but the presence of chemistry does not mean that relationship is destined to end with a happily ever after. Chemistry alone cannot sustain a relationship. Ask Rielle Hunter, Christine Beatty, Stacey Dash or any number of other women.  I have scrumptious chemistry with my husband (he says it’s “cute” when I dance to this song) and fortunately we also share mutual respect, love and trust.  That’s something I lacked with ol’ boy. We had crazy explosive chemistry, but for the long haul, you need to be able to simmer sometimes too. What do you have left of yourself if you explode all the time?

Chemistry is a tricky tricky thing. It feels really good, but it’s not always the truth. Well, it’s the truth, but maybe not the last truth.

What are your experiences with chemistry?


Posted by on March 19, 2010 in Love


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3 responses to “Love Musings: Chemistry (The Good and the Bad)

  1. Megan Henderson-Redding

    March 20, 2010 at 11:10 am

    I really connected with you on your point about simmering. When grease is popping everywhere, you end up ducking to turn the dial down or at least hunting to find a lid. I think that when it comes to love and life you get better results from a crock pot than a skillet.

  2. Sibrina Collins

    March 24, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    Well, you certainly make some valid points about romantic chemistry! Now, academic chemistry has been really good to me.

  3. chemistry

    May 17, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    chemistry between people can’t be created or forced, it’s a natural thing. When you feel comfortable with someone, then you have chemistry with him / her. The keyword is “comfortable”. Nice blog, I added u in my link, would u add me too. Thanx.


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